I hate myself and the rut i am stuck in.?

Since leaving school 6 years ago, i have spirled into a world of depression. I was in a bad relationship which made me loose my confidence, so i have never stuck at much as i felt i was rubbish at everything, i quit university, i lost a close friend in febuary 2008. my mums been on life support 3 times in 4 years, aswell as being addicted to painkillers, i was in intensive care due to a car crash + the driver died next to me, i've had alot of serious family issues + my best friend died a year + a half ago. I feel like everything i touch turns bad. People tell me im being stupid when i say bad luck follows me absolutely eveywhere. I am an emotional wreck because i havent had time to recover from one thing before something else has gone wrong. Around 6 months ago i was diagnosed with aplastic anemia, so i had to go on the sick from work, being stuck in the house hasn't helped my depression + to make matters worse my companys gone bust + ive been made redundant as of march, i know i will struggle to find another job due to my illness. I have been in my current relationship for 20 months, he's great but he just doesn't get me. Just before christmas i found out i was pregnant, i had been taking the pill but it hadnt worked due to certain medications + i had an abortion. I actually hate myself for it. My partner told me if i didnt get rid of the baby it would ruin his life, i knew he would stay with me in the furture because of the child even if he didnt want too + i couldnt face that. He told me not to tell anyone about it + i found out after it was done that this was so no-one could talk me out of it. I know no-one can make me do it but i feel my boyfriend pushed me into it, he didn't care aslong as he was happy. Although i was told my baby may not of survived or been okay if it would of been born due to my illness, i have never regretted anything so much in my whole life and it tears me apart every single day. My boyfriend however isnt really phased by the whole situation + hasnt really been supportive of the decision. Throughout our relationship i have had alot of trust issues, partly because of my previous relationship, partly because my boyfriend told me 4 months after we got together that he almost cheated on me, i havent trusted him since + I've known him to watch whilst i am in bed, both of which made me feel unattractive. I found old naked pictures of his ex on a fone he leant me when mine broke + this has made me feel so self concious as he isnt like this with me. He never has us on his facebook page, Whenever we are on a night out, he never meets me when my friends meet their other halves + he doesnt seem to like me being around his pals even though im close to their girlfriends + little things like this which all add up make me feel he isn't proud to be with me + it hurts. I constantly feel as though he has no time for anything to do with us. For example when i was going into hospital for treatment, he booked amsterdam for the weekend with his friends, we rarely go out or do coupley things. He says whenever we go out, he pays.. which is true, however i pay my dad every single month for me + him to live with my parents, general board, money towards bills + i pay our own food, he pays nothing to live here as i pay for him, so i think hes getting a pretty good deal paying for a meal or cinema ticket every now + again, or am i wrong to think this? :/ I do everything around the house, despite being poorly and having no energy most of the time, i clean up after him, do his washing, pack his lunch for work, cook his tea whenever he gets in which sometimes can be up to 11pm + even though ive asked and asked and asked for help, i never get it. Last valentines day my boyfriend didnt bother to get me anything but told me how he'd cooked for his ex the yr before + bought her choclates+flowers, it really really hurt + is also another reason i have low confience, this year he told me he was going to arrange 4 us to go away, he has come home + told me how hes working instead + made no other plans. Feeling as though he isnt wanting to spend time with me is making me feel like a bad person, like i dont deserve someones time. I use to be so confident, i was happy with the way i looked + the person i was. People tell me im very attractive + a nice person + my boyfriend is lucky to have me, but i dont see it anymore. A mixture of all the bad things which have happened over the last few years + being in a relationship like this are making me hate myself. They both hit off each other and i dont know what to do about the whole situation i am in. i love my partner more than anything in the world + could not imagine my life without him. He does make me happy, but i just want us to be more of a couple, i dont feel as though our relationship + me are a priority in his life.